the blink times

Cartoons in the 21st century have better story-lines, effects and well, cartoons. But life back then – with Internet pornography, Playstation and MTv – was much simpler. Well, at least I collected Micromachines and Masters of the Universe, played basketball, and figured She-Ra was the hottest woman alive. Since we’re all pretty much a cultural product of our histories, its time to pay tribute to the toons that made everything else possible.

#10 Alvin and the chipmunks
What’s it about: 3 chipmunks that act and talk like men. They’re adopted by this guy called Dave who doesn’t mind they socialise with normal human beings. Alvin’s the playful, flamboyant rodent who likes to hook up the babes. Simon’s the geek who talks science and gadgets, while Theodore, just likes to eat. They love to sing, dance and play musical instruments, thus showing everyone that those with faces like mice, rats and hamsters can still be superstars.
Why it rocks: Sing along now! ‘We’re the chipmunks! C-H-I-P-M-U-N-K We’re the chipmunks, guaranteed to brighten your day!’

#9 Gummi Bears
What’s it about:Hyperactive bears that drink grape-looking juice and jump like ping pong balls. They are often seen helping a bunch of kids and the bad evil boss is an Aryan-looking dude with a moustache. With the power of gummi berry juice, the Bears will then be able to reunite the other bears scattered throughout the world and resurrect their once powerful city.
Why they rock: My uncle looks like them and yes I have other live size versions in school and elsewhere. Cute right?

#8 Mighty mouse and friends
What’s it about: A small mouse with yellow spandex and red underwear who takes down villains 10 times his size. The show includes other characters like 2 crows who always seem to be smarter than the guy hunting them.
Why it rocks: My mother said I’m small, she also said I was destined for big things. I found out much later that all mothers say the same things.

#7 M.A.S.K
What’s it about:A ‘cartoon n cars’ perversion of King Arthur and the knights of the round table. Ordinary men wear helmets meant for chemical defence, and road vehicles transform into weapons of war. The leader of the villains looks just like Saddam Hussein. It was quite prophetic, as the series was aired before the first Gulf war.
Why it rocks: I played with the toys so much, all the masks that came with the action figures went missing when I stopped.

#6 He-Man and the masters of the universe
What’s it about:Timid and homosexual prince Adam gets powers from a hot looking sorceress and turns into masochistic and muscular He-man just by wielding a sword. His arch enemy is Skeletor, a blue-skinned freak with a skull for a face. Runs parallel plotlines with She-ra, princess of power, but the girls never took that cartoon too well. Today, the original, mint-boxed version of Castle Grayskull is worth hundreds of dollars.
Why it rocks: Any one with a dick who hated HE-MAN when young grew up to be gay.

#5 Bravestarr
What’s it about: Set in the futuristic Wild West, Indian sheriff Bravestarr has the following mystical powers: eyes of the hawk, ears of the wolf, strength of the bear and speed of the puma. Together with his talking grey horse Thirty-Thirty, Bravestarr defends the gnomes of the town from the evil viles of Tex-hex
Why it rocks: I had the Thirty-Thirty action figure for my 9th birthday. I was so delighted I exclaimed, “Hey everyone, finally my horse can stand!”

#4 Count Duckula
What’s it about: In the heart of Transylvania, there lived a dynasty of vampire ducks. The villagers (who are also birds) were so terrorized that they decided to pierce his heart. But they did not know that Egor the count’s faithful butler, was able to revive him. As there wasn’t blood in the castle, Egor used tomato ketchup for the rejuvenation. So dear children, we have count Duckula, the vegetarian vampire duck who is constantly smothered by his chicken head nanny. “OOH duckie-poo!”
Why it rocks: I watched it until I was 14. I guess bird brains make me laugh.

#3 Sabre Rider
What’s it about:Back in those days, Macross and Gundam were good but deep stuff. I borrowed the books and pretended that I understood, but the significance just wasn’t there. I mean when you’re only 10, your mind can only absorb concepts in ‘power-ranger’ format. Star sheriffs Saber rider, Fireball and Colt were like the sensational heroes who could defeat crime anytime. Chivalry, nobility and lotsa lasers, it wasn’t too hard for a kid like me to understand. Not forgetting, the theme song was the coolest one on TV yet.
Why it rocks:I used to tell myself that I will marry April Angel (the blonde, doe-eyed female lead) when I grow up, but I think she’s dead now.

#2 Silverhawks
What’s it about: Notorious space criminal Mon-star (pronounced ‘monster’) escapes from prison and threatens the galactic peace. Captain Stargazer calls upon the Earth Alliance to dispatch their half-man, half-robot special force known as the Silver Hawks. With superhuman strength and space flight, the Silverhawks battle Mon-star’s lackeys, who have the lamest names (e.g. Mambo Jumbo, Hardware, Melodia).
Why it rocks: It was the most stylish cartoon ever made. If angels do exist, they will look like them.

#1 Transformers
What’s it about: Robots from Cybertron take their war to planet earth. Optimus Prime, leader of the heroic Autobots, defends the lilliputian humans from the treacherous Decepticons, headed by the evil Megatron. The series has outlived most of the other cartoons on this list, with artists and writers giving the robots a better disguise for this season’s toy release.
Why it rocks: I’ve watched the movie more than 20 times. The effect is like Titanic (I never finished that sinking movie starring Leo & Kate, its just to tell everyone how much of a fan I am).